so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
