bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is wine microwaveable?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
