My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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