So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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