Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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