I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
