I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
