He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
