where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
