Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
