no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
