we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
