in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
