I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
