they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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