That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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