So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
