neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
