2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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