i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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