Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
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My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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