I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
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Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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