Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Less talking, more tequila
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
