Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
