Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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