How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
