I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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