what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
