Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
