dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
