How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
