barbara walters just said penis...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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