Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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