i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
