So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
