get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
