On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
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Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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