So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
