i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
