one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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