Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
