you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
