I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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