Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
