If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
