If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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