oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize