I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
