i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
