Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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