put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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