i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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