i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
