WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize