tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
