I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
