peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
