I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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