I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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