Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
