You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh god it's open bar.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
