I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
