I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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