I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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