It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
