Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
