Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
