His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
