Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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