I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
