you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
