weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
