yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm way too hungover for life right now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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