good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
