hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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