Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
