We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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