good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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