wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
