ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
